Real thing! (Mel and I)

First topic message reminder :

I smiled that's my girl. "So how about this weekend I have a opening if you'd like if not then it would have to be in two months." Tony said and I looked at her and said. "It's up to you?" Two months thought was a long time to wait but this coming weekend was soon really soon.

"Move on as I forget them I'm never getting them back? Is that what you're asking me?" I looked at her what the hell was she thinking asking me that or telling me that. "I can't just forget, that's like me asking you to forget our babies that didn't make it, now I know I forgot from my accident but now that I know I can't and won't forget them either!" I was pissed. I got up and walked outside. I shouldn't have said that I know that but damnit I can't just walk away I need them.

I sat in the doctors room feeling like a fool as I sobbed. The doctor must think we're all crazy. there was a difference between the lost twins an the two children who had been taken away. The babies were his. Finally gaining composure, I stood up and made my way outside. "Are you ready to leave?" I asked, not looking at him as I walked to the car. "I want to go home."

I knew I fucked up big time now. I didn't say anything just walked over and opened her side door for her. After she got in I walked over and got in to drive. The ride was silent most of the way and I couldn't take it anymore. "I'm so sorry em, I didn't-I know it's not the same, but in a way it almost is because I raised those two as my kids hell I actually thought they were for the first two years of their life's. but I had no right to say what I said to you or take anything out on you." I couldn't look at her for fear of seeing what I knew I would, disappointment and her not loving me anymore.

I stared at my lap, my vision blurring. "I never said forget them as in delete all memory. I'm not some horrible cow you know." I sniffed, wiping away tears from my cheek as they spilled "you were talking crazy, planning to go see lawyers, but you're weren't seeing clearly.. you have no rights Zander, they are with their parents and you have as much right as I do now.. I love them too, they were part of my life for over a year, I lost as well today but in no way did I say forget their existence." I was sobbing. "And then you used my miscarriage as the example.. you have no idea how that felt to go through that when my world was already falling apart."

I sighed deeply. "You are right I don't and didn't and I'm so sorry, I wasn't in the right frame of mind and I know that's not an excuse but damnit those kids are mine and I have no rights. I don't know what to do or say. And I took it out on you and shouldn't have." I glanced over and my heart dropped. I looked around and decided to pull over to the side of the road. "Em sweetheart I'm so sorry." I got out and ran over to the other side opening her door and pulling her to my arms. "I'm so sorry." I felt that I said that too much recently and I hated it. "Don't leave me."

"You can't take this out on me.. or the kids when we're home." I cried harder into his chest. "I know it hurts, I know you want them back and the law sucks." I hated his ex wife more than anything. "We just need to stick together and move forward, I'm here for you."

I sighed laying my forehead to hers. "I know I know, I won't. Just, I'm going to break down a lot when it's just us so please bare with me." Tears started to run diwn my cheeks, I felt weak, felt like a disappointment. I didn't feel like the man I was.

"I know baby. It's ok to be upset. You've just had your whole world taken from you." I couldn't begin to imagine the hurt he must be feeling right now. I didn't want to know. "We need to go inside, I have to check on the kids and I really need to shower."

I sighed. "I'm sorry baby." I kissed her lightly. "I need to regroup before I go in." I took a deep breath as I backed away . I hated that I couldn't remember times with her but I remembered every fucking time with Lisa

I left him outside to be in his own thoughts while I tended to the kids inside. I sat back with a hot tea and the laptop and decided to go and stay at the beach cottagehouse where we first fell in love and just get away for some time together with us as the kids. I felt being in this house was only going to be a constant reminder of the twins.

Looking up to the sky I sighed. I hated things right now. I lost my kids, I lost my kids I never new, I lost my memories with em. But I haven't lost her or our children inside yet so I need to make sure that doesn't happen. I walked forward and into the house. "Em! Sweetheart, we need to move!" I wanted a house that we. Ohh could make new memories.

"What why?" I called out from the bedroom as I was packing my bag full of clothes. "We're leaving anyway."

I looked at her and the. Walked her back into the bedroom . "We need to move and make new memories, I need more happy memories with you and the kids." I noticed the packed bags and my heart sank till I remember her saying we were leaving anyways we as in all of us or her and the kids. "Umm where are we going". I make sure to make the "we" heard.

"Were going to the beach cottage for awhile, we can figure out the living arrangements there and stay there until we find a house or something for us to live in." I smiled. "So pack a bag because we're leaving as soon as we're ready" I still wasn't sure about moving into a new house, making memories was good but it's the old ones I wanted him to remember.

I hurried in and packed. I wanted to get started and keep my mind off of everything else. As we got to the cottage I noticed I would need to make it more accessible for Noah. I can get all that done tomorrow right now h wanted to take them swimming even Noah. I would need to help her but it would be good for him and his condition from what I read.

"We haven't been here since we first met." I noticed the cottage over was taken with an elderly couple. "Well, I might unpack and I'm pretty sure the kids will want to swim in the pool." I spotted a photo of the twins on a shelf and hoped this wasn't going to end badly. Quickly distracted him, I slipped my arms around his waist "then you and I might take a swim later tonight." I winked

-------

https://angels-and-demons.rpg-board.net/viewtopic.forum?t=983