I’m a dead man

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I’m almost ten years older than her! But that isn’t the only reason I should want her, she is my best mates younger sister! I’ve known her my whole life! It wasn’t until I convinced rob to join the marines with me and we came back for her 18th birthday that I saw her in a new way. Then once again when their parents died in the unexpected car crash when I really screwed up. I was drunk and kissed her one thing lead to another and when I woke alone I thought I dreamed it. But I know I didn’t I couldn’t of. She left for college that day and well rob and I went back to our duties. After getting a honorary discharge 5 years later, I’m back home but rob is still fighting over seas. I haven’t seen or heard from her the last thing rob said was she was dating some asshat.

What happens when I see her again but she isn’t alone she has a child about 4 years old.she has sad eyes and looks scared.

I groaned “you really aren’t listening to a damn word I say! You were gone I thought I dreamt the whole night what the hell was I suppose to do? I was drunk that night! I was fighting myself all damn day! I fucking saw you and Christ I wasn’t suppose to feel the way I do! You were 18! I’m almost 10 years older! Your my family for Christ sakes I was I don’t know what I was I just knew I shouldn’t feel the way I do about you.” I shook my head. “He is my son don’t think I won’t be in his life tessa. You may not want me but I will be a good father to our boy starting now he needs to know!”

“You can’t go just in there and say hey I’m your dad! You need to ease into it.. he is a child, and you will respect that of me.” I stepped closer to him “and I thought the boy who I used to love finally wanted me back, and then you took my virginity, passed out and left for the military. Things change and you may be his father but I won’t let you ever hurt me again.” I said feeling my heart break as I lied about not loving him anymore. “You take this slow with him or fuck off back to your paid whorehouse Asian’s who fix you up between tours.” I snapped and turned walking away fast. He infuriated me so much.

I stood there pissed at the world. Once I calmed down I went inside and into jacks room. “Okay buddy you ready? I’m going to take you and your mum to get ice cream then home.” Then I’m calling my mum and dad then rob! I didn’t look at Tessa I didn’t care to she hurt me far much today. After jack ate his ice cream and I stoped them off at home I had to get back to the station I looked at Tessa and sighed. “I work tonight and tomorrow but I’ll be back here the following day I won’t waste anymore time! Got it!” I didn’t let her answer as I walked away already calling my folks.

“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes turning around and leaning against the door as it closed with a heavy sigh. I burst into tears, unable to comprehend how badly today went. I knew he would be mad but he was furious. Putting on a brave face I went back to Jack and laid down in bed with him, watching him doze off asleep. This was a complete nightmare

After I had a long talk with my parents I tried to call rob over and over I left messages and text. I was so pissed the guys at the station stayed clear. Was waiting for this shift to be over I needed to get to know Jack my boy. I laid there thinking about that night again. Deciding to send tessa a text - you talk to your dumbass brother tell him to call me! Also just so you know the only regret I have is that I was drunk that night I wish we made our boy without alcohol-

I knew I shouldn’t. I just couldn’t help myself as I wrote back - yeah well it’s best you keep it a dream. You’re not the only one who thinks about that night. I love my son and I won’t ever regret him-

Sighing I grew frustrated even more this woman is infuriating. -it wasn’t isn’t a dream though so I can no longer look at that way, you put all the blame on me not calling, but you are to blame to you didn’t call me, you made a choice to keep him from me. I didn’t think you were capable of that, I didn’t mean to hurt you I never wanted to hurt you I care about you more than I should, but you intentionally hurt me by keeping our boy from me tessa. You hurt me as well- I laid my phone down because I said what I needed and knew she would just end up making more excuses cause that’s all she has been doing.

-ok- it was all I could say. I didn’t know what else to say. I thought I was doing the right thing but I knew it had been the wrong choice. I wanted to hurt my brother for the lies he told me. I was so mad and just hated myself.

The next day was slow I didn’t talk to Tess again and with her last text I think I might have gotten to her. My three day shift just ended and I was back at my place. I still haven’t heard from rob and I didn’t think I would. Tomorrow morning I would go over and get to know my boy.

The following day I pulled up to Tessa’s house jack was outside and I smiled at him playing with the army men. I walked over and sat down. “Where’s your mama?” I asked not ready to see her I just wanted to spend time with him right now.

“She’s inside sad again. She cries a lot.” He shrugged “I tell her she’s pretty but she still cries.” He held up his truck tanker and grinned “want to play?”

I saw him outside and didn’t go out there. I’d give them space and hoped he didn’t stay long. I had work to do and stayed on the computer to edit my pictures.

I smiled and took the truck looked over my shoulder not liking that she was sad. Turning back to jack I played with him till he yawned and I smirked. “Alright buddy I think you are tired why don’t we go inside check on your mama and watch a movie?” He nodded his sleepy head and I stood picking him up. He was a brave boy.

I heard the door open, and looked up to see them coming inside “dinner time and then it’s bed.” I smiled at him looking exhausted and wondered if he would make it through dinner. “Mac and cheese.” I brought over his bowl to the table in front of the tv. I looked at Jax “are you staying for dinner or leaving?”

I held onto jack. “I’m staying.” Was all I said sitting down and putting jack beside me. I was going to tuck him in and I was going to be here a lot she needs to get use to it. I watched him eat and watch tv. He looked so tired. I thought he was going to fall asleep in his Mac and cheese.

“Alright, it’s bedtime. You’ve had a massive day.” I bent down and lifted him up, kissing his forehead. I walked to his room knowing he was behind me, and I laid him on his bed undressing and changing his clothes. I bent down and kissed his forehead “sweet dreams my beautiful boy.” And I walked back out letting him say goodnight as I cleaned up the dishes

I smiled when he asked me to read to him. I got the book and laid down next to him as I read, I don’t remember much I didn’t realize how tired I was but I felt this little frame curl next to me and I was out.

“Are you-“ I stopped when I realised they were both asleep. I guess he was staying the night. I walked in, looking at how alike they were asleep. I took a photo of the two of them, and stared a little longer. Then, I went to the bathroom and took a well needed shower. I walked out in my pantries and a singlet and laid in my own bed, reading a book until I myself fell asleep

I woke with a stiff neck seeing that it was only 2 in the morning and I wasn’t planning on going in her room but I couldn’t help it. I walked in and started to take my pants and shirt off crawling in bed with her and pulling her close I dozed right back off a little surprised she didn’t wake up and yell at me.

I was so warm, and comfortable. I hadn’t slept this solid since my parents died. The warmth made me snuggle beneath the covers and then i froze. What the hell. I should punch him. But part of me wanted to hold onto this for a little longer because I missed his body against mine. What if Jack woke and saw us? That was like ice as I moved and gave him a slight shove “what are you doing in my bed? I’m not having sex with you if that’s what you want.”

I had to laugh. “My neck got stiff in jacks bed and I needed sleep, I haven’t slept in a long time.” I rolled to my back and stretched. “I’m not expecting anything tessa.” I got up knowing I was hard but didn’t try to hide it. I dressed and smirked at her. She was staring at me like she wanted me but that’s not what I am here for. “I’ll make breakfast.” I said and walked out. And it’s a good thing I did because I was lying I wanted her too.

I sighed groaning and covering my face. “Just perfect.” I got up, finding my pyjama shorts and putting them on before walking g to the kitchen. “He likes porridge for breakfast.” I said, grabbing my coffee mug. “So, do you have any questions about him?”

I smiled. “Not right now, I’m learning a lot by being around him, he is a good boy, he is concerned about you, said you were crying and sad.” I stepped closer to her. “Said you are always crying?”

“It’s nothing.” I brushed it off. “I’m ok really, just some days are harder than others.” I needed to stop crying around Jack if he is noticing it. “Of course he is a good boy, and he is well behaved most of the time with a few minor tantrums.”

I knew she was changing the subject and I’ll drop it for now. “Your good with him, and he is four he is entitled to grant runs here or there.” I grabbed her cup and filled it up then took a sip before handing it back over smirking at her. “Okay one question how did you get our kid to like pourage?”

I laughed, grinning “We read goldilocks and he was wanting to try porridge, and I put honey on top. He loves it.” I sipped my drink, licking my lips. “He eats everything, loves mushrooms on his pizza and he eats all his vegetables. He rarely eats candy, that’s our usual Saturday movie night treat.”

“Lollies?” I asked with a smile. “That’s good, I’m glad he eats good.” I made it the way she said she did and then smiled when I heard his voice. “Mama did Jax stay here last night?” I looked at her and marked she was as red as a tomato.